


Pushed Aside

by obs3ss1ons



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s06e25 O Ke Ali'i Wale No Ka'u Makemake (My Desire is Only for the Chief), Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obs3ss1ons/pseuds/obs3ss1ons
Summary: After Danny gives Steve half his liver, he realizes the truth about their relationship and makes some decisions.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 8
Kudos: 109





	Pushed Aside

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after the season 6 finale, before season 7 premiered. Clearly it doesn't follow the canon of Steve and Danny getting out of the hospital on the same day.
> 
> Also, there is a little bit of slight anti-Lou moments. I might be the only one, but I don't really like his character. I also feel like he's always trying to get in between McDanno. If you do like his character, you should still be able to enjoy this fic because I tried to keep his part to a minimum.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Eric picked Danny up from the hospital. Two weeks since Danny locked himself up in his house. Two weeks since he’d spoken to his friends. Since he talked to Steve. He knew he was being a coward. He should’ve stayed and told Steve how he felt. Steve deserved that much. But Danny couldn’t force himself to confront his partner. At least not until he decided what to do.

Their relationship had been declining for a while. Actually, if Danny was honest, it was never good. Sure, when it was just the two of them or even with his kids, they had a good time. But if other people were around, all the two of them seemed to do was fight. At one point, that was just their routine. It wasn’t healthy, but it was comfortable.

Then Lou showed up. Something about the guy bothered Danny. He’d never said anything because he wasn’t sure what it was. Then Steve started spending time with Lou outside of work. Fine. He could have other friends. Danny wasn’t a possessive guy. Lately, though, Steve spent more and more time with Lou and less and less time with Danny. Steve even partnered up with Lou at work. Although Danny figured it was best if he worked alone anyway. Then he didn’t have to pretend everything was fine.

He knew he would eventually have to do something. Either confront Steve or break off what was left of their relationship. The problem was he knew what he should do. He just couldn’t because of his love for Steve. But after nearly losing him and then giving part of himself to save Steve, Danny couldn’t put off what needed to be done any longer. The words and actions of their teammates proved which choice Danny had to take. It didn’t make it any easier.

A car pulled into Danny’s driveway. Seconds later, a fist pounded on the door. Danny stood in his kitchen, his eyes closed as he forced himself to not acknowledge the sound. Then his partner’s voice called out, “Come on, Danny! I know you’re home! Open the damn door so we can talk!”

Danny sucked in a breath. Steve’s voice wasn’t as strong as it used to be. Clearly he was doing ok if he was out of the hospital. Unless he escaped. But Steve wouldn’t do that just to talk to Danny. Not anymore. He didn’t mean enough to warrant Steve putting his recuperation at risk. Or his life. It didn’t matter that Danny had put his own life at stake for Steve. That didn’t even earn him a thank you. From anyone.

Just when he thought Steve had given up, Danny’s phone started ringing. He’d listened to it so much over the last two weeks the sound was stuck in his head. If not for his daily phone calls from Grace and Charlie, he would turn the damn thing off. He didn’t want to talk to Steve or anyone else from the team. He even ignored a special delivery of his favorite shrimp courtesy of Kamekona. Nobody else was to blame, but he knew they would report anything he said to Steve. Everything and everyone revolved around Steve. Including Danny until two weeks ago.

The ringing stopped. Then his phone beeped. Either Steve left a voicemail or sent him a text. Danny told himself he didn’t need to hear or see Steve’s words. He shouldn’t. Yet he still found himself reaching for his phone where it stared at him from the counter. Two text messages waited for him when he unlocked the phone. Both from Steve.

The first read, _Why won’t you talk to me? Did I upset you?_

Danny rolled his eyes and read the second.

_I miss you._

A sob choked Danny. He coughed for over a minute before he could catch his breath again. He wanted to believe Steve meant those words. He really did. But he knew better. How could he miss Danny now when he hadn’t missed him for the last year? It didn’t seem to bother Steve when he conveniently forgot they had plans to go surfing. He had an excuse when he missed the cheer competition Grace invited him to. Something came up so he missed the dinner Danny had postponed three times already.

Danny nearly crushed his phone when everything suddenly became clear. Steve didn’t want to be seen with him anymore. Or maybe he never did. Was that why he became a different person when they were alone? If that was true, which one was the real Steve? Was he a caring, fun guy who loved spending time with his partner and his kids? Or was he an annoying asshole who protected everyone but himself despite what Danny said?

As the truth washed over him, Danny collapsed to the tile floor. How could he have been so blind? Their entire relationship had been a lie. Steve never cared about him. He never loved him. Hell, he even said in the beginning that he only partnered with Danny to solve his dad’s murder. After that happened, it was Danny who stayed on. Steve had inherited a team that jumped at the sound of his voice. Danny just became part of them. He had never been special in Steve’s eyes.

Danny’s decision was made. No way could he stay with Steve. And breaking up with Steve meant Danny had to find a new job. Or leave Hawaii. Or both. Thanks to the governor’s generous salary for his task force, Danny had plenty in his savings. He needed to get away for a while until he could face Steve again. Grace and Charlie would be out of school for the summer in another week. Then he could take them back to Jersey for a while. Surely a month away from Steve and Steve’s home would help Danny heal – physically and emotionally.

Picking himself up off the floor, Danny set his phone back on the counter. He ignored a third beep as he left the kitchen. He retrieved his laptop and settled himself on the couch. He opened a blank Word document. After staring at the screen for several minutes and hearing two more beeps from his phone, he began typing. He didn’t stop until he signed his name at the bottom. Then after reading over it once, he printed it.

Danny stared at the paper in his hands. This was a huge step. He couldn’t go back after he sent this in. He couldn’t undo this first step. Taking a deep breath, he folded the paper into thirds and stuffed it into an envelope. He started to write Steve’s name on the envelope, but hesitated. With a sigh he wrote Lt. Commander McGarrett. No reason to pretend it wasn’t going to his boss.

Four messages waited for him when he picked up his phone again. He didn’t open them. He couldn’t read any more of Steve’s lies. Instead, he found his nephew’s number and sent him a quick message. Then he sat on his couch and waited. Twenty minutes later, Danny watched a muted show on the history channel when he heard a car pull into his driveway. He glanced outside to make sure it wasn’t Steve before opening the door.

“Hey, Uncle D! You feeling better? You still look like shit, man,” Eric started as he neared the house.

Danny hurried him inside. “Watch your language. And stop talking about your elders like that.”

“Yes, sir. Now what was so urgent that you need my presence for?”

“This,” Danny said as he handed over the envelope. “I need you to deliver this to the Five-O office tomorrow morning.”

“Sure thing, but can I ask why you can’t do it yourself? I mean, you work there, unless – you’re not quitting, are you?”

Danny hesitated. He loved Eric, but the kid didn’t know what a secret was. He wiped a hand over his face and admitted what the letter stated. “I’m taking an indefinite leave.”

“So you’re not quitting?”

Danny shook his head. He would have to do that eventually, but for now the leave would give him time to decide what he wanted to do in the future. A place would always be open to him with HPD, but he would still have to work with – and sometimes for – Steve. For now he just had to get away from it all. An extended visit with his parents and sisters would be a welcome distraction.

Eric finally left with the promise to deliver Danny’s letter. Danny went back to the couch. He switched the TV over to a football game but kept it muted. He didn’t want his teammates to know he was home and awake. They were all good at their jobs, so he would never be able to hide his emotions from them. Not the sadness, the hurt. The betrayal. It was easier just to avoid all of them until he was ready to face Steve himself.

*****

Danny woke up to his phone ringing. He reached toward the noise until his fingers grasped it. Thinking through a sleep-induced haze, he answered it without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Danny, what the _hell_?” His mind snapped awake at the sound of his partner’s voice. His _pissed off_ voice.

“Steve-”

He's cut off with, “What is going on with you, Danny? You disappear for two weeks, then inform me that you’re taking an indefinite leave? And you can’t even tell me yourself. You have Eric do it for you!”

Danny squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He really didn’t want to deal with this right now. He’d give anything for one of his kids to call. Hell, he’d rather talk to Rachel.

“Seriously, Danno? What is going on?” Steve’s voice had lost its anger. It almost sounded like he was pleading. But that was just Danny’s mind playing tricks on his heart. Steve wouldn’t actually beg Danny for anything.

Taking a deep breath to calm his own voice, Danny replied, “Everything you need to know is in that letter. I will let you know if and when I am ready to return to duty, Commander.”

He hung up before Steve could respond. Hanging up on his boss technically could get him fired. He couldn’t make himself care, though. The no-fraternization rule finally made sense. Danny would definitely never make that mistake again. He’d learned his lesson. Dating the boss always ended worse for the employee.

Realizing if Steve had the letter that meant it was the next day, Danny stumbled to the kitchen. He started the coffeemaker and opened the refrigerator. He needed to eat even if he had no appetite. Finally deciding his stomach could handle some toast, he got that started while he waited for coffee. He added a little honey on top for nutrition and left the coffee black. He took the first bite just as he heard his front door open. Danny froze. Only two other people had a key. One should’ve been at school. The other was supposed to be at home recuperating from being shot and getting a liver transplant. But Danny should know better than to hang up on Steven McGarrett. He set the slice of toasted bread on the plate in front of him and waited for the conversation he wasn’t ready to have.

When the footsteps stopped behind him, Danny asked, “What are you doing here? You should be at home, resting.”

“I can’t,” Steve said.

Keeping his back to him, Danny asked, “Why not? It’s easy to just lay there when your body needs to get used to a new organ.”

“I’ll do that after you tell me what’s wrong.”

Danny slowly turned around. He didn’t want to see Steve, but he wanted Steve to see him. If the guy wasn’t going to let him leave quietly, then he could find out just how much he’d hurt Danny. “What makes you think anything is wrong?”

“For one, you’re not chewing me out for driving to your house,” Steve pointed out. “Two, you’ve avoided me since you left the hospital. You didn’t even come visit me once over the last two weeks. What if my body rejected the liver? What if I ended up with an infection? Why weren’t you there, Danny?”

Steve’s voice faded as he spoke. Danny should offer him a place to sit, but he wouldn’t let himself worry about him any longer. The fact that everything Steve had said so far was only about himself enforced Danny’s realization. It was becoming more and more clear where he stood with Steve. With that thought repeating in his mind, Danny straightened his shoulders as much as his sore body would let him.

He stared directly into Steve’s eyes as he said, “Why would I stay somewhere I’m not wanted? Tell me why I should go see someone who doesn’t care if my body can’t handle losing half an organ. I don’t even know why we were forced to share a room those two weeks I had to stay. It’s my fault I didn’t ask to be moved to another room. But we’re not sharing a room now. You don’t have to pretend you love me anymore. I won’t force my presence in your life or on your task force. That letter is for a leave, but I’ll relieve you now and tell you I won’t be coming back. You’re free to date whoever you want, and I won’t hold it against you if you find a replacement for me on the team.”

His statement wore him out, so Danny slouched back onto the barstool. He wanted to bury his face and cry, but he couldn’t do that yet. He had to get Steve out of his house first. But Steve wasn’t moving. He wasn’t running away to enjoy his freedom. Danny focused on his ex-partner. The tough Navy SEAL had tears streaming over his cheeks. Tears! Apparently Steve had learned to fake his emotions better than Danny thought.

“Please just leave, Steve.”

“No,” came the firm reply. Danny turned away before the first tear could fall. Steve continued, “Danny, what in the world did I do to make you believe I don’t care about you? That I don’t love you?”

He couldn’t answer. If he did, Steve would know just how much of a fool Danny was. And he was a fool for believing Steve actually loved him and that he could be happy again. He should’ve known better. He did know better. Didn’t his relationship with Rachel teach him that? Yet he’d gone and fallen in love with his partner, his boss. His best friend. Pain gripped his chest as he realized the extent of Steve’s lies. How could they be best friends if Danny was just another person for Steve to control?

A hand touched his shoulder, followed by Steve’s weakened voice. “Danny, please talk to me. I can’t fix this if I don’t know what I did.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Steven.”

“Danno-”

He whirled on Steve, pointing a finger at his chest. “Don’t you ever call me that again. Only the people who actually love me get to do that. I let you get away with it for too long. Now that I know your secret, I won’t take it any longer.”

“I _do_ love you, Danny. Why do you keep saying I don’t?”

“Because you wouldn’t treat me the way you have been if you did.”

Steve threw his hands up. “What are you talking about? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks! You’re the one that just disappeared. I didn’t know for sure that something was actually wrong until Lou brought your letter to me this morning.”

The mention of Lou’s name from Steve sent a wave of nausea through Danny’s stomach. Of course Lou visited Steve that morning. He probably did every morning. The fight abandoned Danny. He couldn’t stand up against Steve another second. Leaving his breakfast, Danny pushed past Steve. He made it to the couch before his body gave out. He closed his eyes in hopes that Steve would leave. He didn’t get his wish.

The couch dipped as Steve sat beside him. He tried not to flinch when Steve’s hand folded around his own. Or when Steve’s gentle voice said, “I do love you, Danny. I do care about you. I don’t want you to leave at all. I want you to stay. I need you to stay. Who else will keep my insane ass alive?”

“Your new partner is handling it just fine,” Danny mumbled.

Steve’s fingers forced Danny’s gaze to meet his. “You’re my partner, Danny. Nobody else can fill that role.”

Tears threatened again. Danny’s eyes watered so much he had to blink just to see the face in front of him. “It’s already been filled, Steve. In every way.”

Steve shook his head and said, “Didn’t you hear me? No one else _can_. That place belongs to you and only you. On the job and in my life. I don’t want anyone beside me but you.”

Obviously Danny wasn’t getting rid of Steve anytime soon. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes until he was ready to speak. Then he stared at the TV as he stated, “Think about how many times we’ve actually hung out together over the last year. How many times you cancelled on me. How many times you stood me up.”

“I never-”

Danny held up a hand to silence Steve. “Try to remember the last time you chose me to go with you to investigate a case. And while you do that, think about who you’ve chosen to be by your side _every single time_.”

Seconds passed. Danny watched Steve process his words. His implications. He saw the moment Steve realized the truth in what Danny said. “This is about _Grover_? You’ve ignored me for two weeks because you’re jealous?”

“It’s not about jealousy, Steve. It’s about me finally realizing that our entire partnership, our entire relationship, has been a lie,” Danny finished weakly. His chest ached again. He refused to rub it, though. He just needed to get through this conversation.

Steve shook his head. “I’ve never lied to you, Danny. I would never do that. What happened to make you suddenly doubt everything?”

“Let’s just say my eyes have been opened this last month.”

“By who?”

“By you, Steve. But it’s ok. I don’t blame you for anything. I was the one who let myself be blinded.”

“Dammit, Danny!” Steve shouted. He stood and walked away, slower than he usually would when angry. When he turned back around, Danny could see the pain in Steve’s eyes. He almost gave in to the urge to wrap his arms around him. It wouldn’t be welcomed, he knew.

He ran a hand through his hair. “What do you want me to say, Steve?”

“I want…I need you to tell me why. I thought we were good. I never knew there was a problem. Please, Danny.” Steve stepped directly in front of him. “Please let me make this right.”

This time Danny rubbed against his chest. His heart literally felt like it was breaking in two. He stood, unsurprised that Steve didn’t move. Danny pleaded with him through his eyes and said, “I’m not sure you can.”

“Just let me try. I love you, Danny. More than I ever thought I could. I’ve lost a lot of people, but I was able to keep going. I can’t do that if I lose you, too.”

“Stop. Please,” Danny begged. He couldn’t hear another word. It hurt too much. He went on, “You have no idea how much I want to believe that. But I can’t. You’ve already moved on without me. You’ve been living without me more and more over the last two years. I’m just finally giving in and doing what I should’ve done a long time ago.”

“No. That’s not true. I need you, Danny. I can’t let you leave like this. I-” Steve stopped. He walked away again but only a few steps. Then he faced Danny. The expression on his face had changed. “Do you love me?”

Danny opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again. Did he really love Steve? He thought he did. An hour ago he would’ve said yes without hesitation. But if he truly loved him, would he actually be able to leave? Would he give up without a fight? He studied Steve. Nothing changed in his expression while he waited for an answer. A hint of hope glimmered in his grey eyes. A sigh escaped through Danny’s lips. He glanced around the room. His living room. So many memories had been made in that room, most of them involving Steve. He lifted his gaze to meet his partner’s. “Yes, Steve. I do love you.”

“Then why are you trying to put an end to everything we have together?”

“Because you hurt me.”

“How?”

Danny held back the urge to scream at Steve. “You pushed me away. You slowly took me out of your life. And yeah, Grover is a part of this because it started when he joined the team.”

Steve didn’t say anything for a long moment. He seemed to stare over Danny’s shoulder. Danny wanted to shake him. Make him acknowledge what he needed, what he wanted. It was at that moment that Danny realized he didn’t want to give up. He didn’t want to lose Steve. Or his job. Or his ohana.

“I’m sorry, Danny.” The words were spoken so quietly he barely heard them. He continued to watch Steve. The other man’s eyes met his once more, and he added, “I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like you could be replaced. I chose you to be my partner. I chose you to be my best friend. I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, but I wouldn’t change that either. If you promise to never leave me and that you’ll tell me when I mess up, I promise to never make you feel like you aren’t the most important person in my life again.”

Those words broke Danny. No way could he not believe Steve now. He flung his arms around his partner’s neck, flinching when pain stabbed his side. Steve’s arms encircled him as tightly as either of them could stand. Danny’s mouth found Steve’s. In between kisses, he stated, “I promise to never leave you again. I love you, babe.”

They pulled away, and Steve grinned a teary grin down at him. “I love you, too, Danno.”


End file.
